Urban Meyer Retires For Mysterious Reasons

ESPN has spent all week rehashing the most surreal and shocking moments of the decade, but they might have started too soon. In possibly the most abrupt announcement possible, Florida football coach Urban Meyer has said that the Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1 will be his last game, citing "health reasons" as his explanation.

As far as "news of the decade" is concerned Meyer's retiring is top five. Over the last six years, Meyer has basically been the king of college football, winning two national championships with Florida and also leading Utah to a win in the Fiesta Bowl and their first ever perfect season. He had the ability to recruit anyone he wanted and was purely the best of the best. He is 95-18 overall and is 5-1 in bowl games.

I'm still absolutely shocked by this because I was honestly expecting him to rule over the NCAA like Bobby Bowden did in the 90's. I was giving 20 more years and maybe three or four more titles.

I know most people are expecting me to make a joke here¹, but jokes aside, here is the truth; the reason Meyer has been so successful is the bond he has with his players (and not just Tebow). If this is a serious health matter, I wish him the best, but if it isn't a pressing matter, which he says it isn't, I think this is abrupt and puts Florida in a bind.

For the most part, coaching positions have already been filled, and there aren't many big names left. I'm not the guy to make suggestions (if you want that, http://www.theplaybookjosh.blogspot.com/ is the place to go. Josh is a college football guru), but I know the options are limited.

If Meyer is able to get back to health, I have a very hard time thinking he won't be back as a coach. Lou Holtz² has often talked about once you are a coach, it is in your blood and might as well be an addiction. You have seen coaches come back from retirement all the time with big names like Joe Gibbs, Bill Parcells, Steve Spurrier, and many others. In fact, it is more common to se them come back than it is for them to legit retire.

However, what I think doesn't matter. I don't know THAT much about Florida past the fact that I'm aware they are ridiculously good, and no one from their organization gives a rat's ass about me. I will say though, I am very excited to see what the situation looks like in a few days because it will be entirely different. Remember how much the Tiger Woods story changed over the first week? It went from a serious car accident, to a minor accident, to his wife beating him because he was cheating, to that being a lie, back to the fact his wife beating him because he cheated, to he is a man-slut...that was a fun week.

1 About the joke, I won't disappoint you:Why are people surprised here? Tim Tebow is graduating, so they can finally make their very beautiful relationship public and get married. Tebow is going to the NFL and I'm sure Meyer will make a tremendous housewife.

2. Normally, don't listen to Lou Holtz ever...EVER! The guy is almost impossible to understand to begin with and he is also a certified moron. After saying on an actual broadcast that he thought Notre Dame would make it to the championship this year! How does the senile bastard still have a job? I'd rather have a racist as an analyst than a freakin' imbecile.