Thursday, May 27, 2010

Glen Davis Actually Becomes Smarter After Concussion

In what is being called one of the most intriguing medical mysteries in recent history, Glen Davis seems to have become smarter after the concussion that forced him to be removed from game five of the Eastern Conference Finals.

The concussion was suffered in the third quarter when Dwight Howard hit Davis in the face with an elbow, sending Big Baby to the ground. Davis was able to get up after a moment, but then immediately stumbled into referee Joey Crawford.

Though he experienced minor headaches following the game, Davis seemed noticeably more intelligent by his teammates the next morning.

“Big Baby normally has issues with words longer than two syllables, but he correctly used the word ‘excruciatingly’ this morning. It was like something out of the twilight zone man,” said Celtic guard Rajon Rondo.

While doctors from all over the globe are flying to Boston to theorize how one could experience an increased IQ as a result of a concussion, Dr. Avery Schmidt has an idea that is being accepted as the most logical explanation.

“When someone suffers a concussion, he usually experiences a loss of memory and at least temporary loss of intellect,” Schmidt explained. “However, I believe that Mr. Davis possessed so little brainpower, that he experienced an increase because it was not possible to suffer a loss of any kind.”

This theory is being accepted not only by many doctors currently studying Davis, but also by most fans of the Celtics.

“I love Big Baby, but look at the guy. I haven’t seen a dimmer-looking face since Vin Diesel. The fact that he can speak English at all kind of surprised me,” said Boston native Sean McIntyre.

According to Celtics coach Doc Rivers, Davis remains a game time decision for tomorrow night’s game six in which Boston hopes to close the door on the Orlando Magic and advance to the NBA Finals.

As to whether or not Davis’ new and improved brain is just a temporary side affect or a permanent matter, no one can be certain.

“I am obviously not able to hypothesize how long my newly acquired acumen will last, but I can only hope it is a permanent fixture,” Davis said. “I just read a book for the first time in my life, and it was truly an exhilarating experience”

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