Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Coaches Under Fire

As always, this is the time of year where coaches in college football start thinking about getting the theoretical pink slip as they leave their teams in shame. Here is my opinion on coaches that currently sit on the hot seat:

Al Groh (Virginia)- I start with this clown because the fact that he wasn’t fired last year was hilarious strictly because I enjoy watching UVA fail so epically. This guy has done everything to be fired. You literally couldn’t try to be fired and do this much. We are at the level of Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions or Mary Antoinette in France. A firing might not be enough, we have approached a scenario where a beheading might be necessary.

Bobby Bowden (Florida State)- A lot of people have gotten on Bowden’s case because of this season’s failure, but you have to remember, the school’s legacy, is HIS legacy. All of Florida State’s success is directly because of him. Now, I’m not usually a guy who says keep someone because of what they have done in the past (I have been for the firing of Maryland basketball coach Gary Williams for three years now), but this is different because there was no Florida State legacy before him. Because of that, you have to ask whether the mystique of playing for FSU will even exist without Bobby Bowden, especially now that the program has slipped a little.

Charlie Weis (Notre Dame)- Before I talk about why Weis should be fired, I have to say something about Notre Dame football. Notre Dame hasn’t won a national championship in 21 years and has rarely been in the mix over that time period. They can’t recruite with the likes of Florida, USC, or Texas and over the last decade, they have been a 7-8 win team that on a good year, can maybe get into a BCS bowl. Given all of that, why do people expect Notre Dame to contend for a National Title every year? Now…

In his five years as head coach, Weis has done the ultimate bate and switch. In his first two years, he performed tremendously with former coach Ty Willingham’s players and had great recruiting classes, making it seem like he was going to bring Notre Dame back into the limelight. However, the last three years have made him look worst and worst. It is my opinion that you judge a college coach based on the years 3-5, because that is when a coach has his players in his system. By that sample, Weis is 15-17 with one crappy bowl appearance (they are bowl eligible this year too). Sounds like a failure to me.

Rich Rodriguez (Michigan)- Going by my philosophy on judging coaches by years 3-5, he shouldn’t even be here, but since people are stupid, I am forced to put him here. Rich Rodriguez is a great coach and should be recognized as so. While I think he is a traitorous bastard for leaving the program he built at his alma mater, you have to remember what he created there. He and his spread offense turned West Virginia into a nationally relevant program that went to BCS bowls almost every year. If Michigan didn’t expect a transition period, then they were dumb because if you don’t have the right players (lightning quick at every position), the spread offense doesn’t work. Last year, the team was ridiculously slow, and this year, it was a bunch of freshmen. I don’t care if they didn’t win a single game in the last two years, the judging period starts next year.

Also on this list is Virginia Tech’s offensive coordinator Bryan Stinespring who I believe needs to resign because of the inept offense VT has had over his six seasons. I don’t include him here because he is a fantastic recruiter and I think there is a very important place for him in the Hokies organization still.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What the Hell Wizards?

Last time I wrote about the Wizards, they were 2-1 and I was praising their start. How did they repay me? Run off six straight losses and make me look reall stupid.

In eery preseason ranking that I saw, the only reason the Wizards were ranked poorly in a few was the fact that people questioned Gilbert's health. No one thought that with a healthy Gil, the Wiz would be capable of being that bad.

During the six game skid, it was almost fascinating to watch every night to see them lose because they found different ways to do it. Whether it was Gil setting a franchise record of 12 turnovers in one game, not being about to make a shot in the last six and a half minutes, or just not putting any effort into playing at all. Not only that, but for some reason, we decided to test out our depth early with Mike Miller, Randy Foye, and Caron Butler missing time. Lets just say this, I have never been so happy to see Antawn Jamison on the floor when he came back last night.

Before last week, I never thought of Jamison as a verbal leader, but him taking up that role might just save the season. After the embarrasing performance we displayed in Indiana last week, Jamison apparently went off on everyone and the team's effort. It was apparently profanity laced and at one point, he flipped a table over he was so mad. I love that kind of fire, and I would have payed big money to be there for that speech.

With Jamison back, I am interested in what the team does and how they perform. The bottom line is that we always play well against Cleveland because we know them so well. I see last night's victory as a good sign, espeially the second half, but we are still 3-7, which is far from decent. Let's see what Flip can do with these guys.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hokies Woes Start on Bench

After last season’s roller coaster of a season, where inexperience seemed to cause problems late in the year, many thought this year could be what many saw in the beginning of 2008. With Malcom Delaney and Jeff Allen returning this season, there was no doubt that the starting lineup would be a force to be reckoned with.

However, with Victor Davila and Terrell Bell thrust into starting roles, the Hokies bench has struggled to hold its own when coach Seth Greenberg tries to give his starters a few minutes of rest.

Through two games, Coach Greenberg has used an eight or nine man rotation with JT Thompson being the first to come off the bench. While that would appear to show depth, the truth is the exact opposite. This is because after Thompson, the experience level drops immensely with freshmen Ben Boggs and Erick Green being the next two players, who are both trying to adjust to the speed of a college game.

Because of a very shallow and inexperienced bench, the Hokies have had to rely on their starters to do more and more. Tech’s starting five has accounted for 89 percent of its offense this season and Delaney is averaging 36.5 minutes a game.

In last night’s 59-46 victory over the UNC Greensboro Spartans, the bench continued to show that it struggles to hold its own while the starters got a break. In the first half, with Allen and Delaney on the bench, the Hokies went more than four minutes without scoring and the Spartans went on a 7-0 run to take a 22-18 lead before Greenberg had to call a timeout and put the duo back in. Overall, the bench contributed eight points off of 2/13 shooting.

Last season, Greenberg mixed up the lineup several times by using Hank Thorns, Davila, Thompson, and Bell as starters, as well as from the bench. However, the one constant was production. The bench averaged 14.6 points a game and it seemed like every night, there was someone that would step up and add to the trio of Allen, Delaney, and A.D. Vassallo.

With Vassallo and Cheick Diakite graduating last year, people new that Tech would be losing valuable points because Vassallo would no longer be there to snipe from beyond the arc. What many didn’t know was how it would affect the bench.

The loss of those two meant that Bell and Davila were named starters. While they have done a fine job in their new roles, no one has filled in as the bench contributors they were last season.

Many people thought that this would be Thompson’s new role on the team, but he has gotten off to a slow start. In the first two games, he 2/11 and averaging just four points a game.; a significant step back from his 6.5 a game off of 53 percent shooting last season. Even though he still exhibits the same aggressive style as last year, it hasn’t converted to points so far.

In two games, Tech’s bench is scoring only 7.5 points a game, while shooting an abysmal 21 percent from the field. Many of the problems scoring have been in the half-court offense.

One of the reasons the bench has struggled has to be the loss of backup point guard Hank Thorns, who transferred to Texas Christian University over the summer. Thorns stats were never the kind that would jump out at you, but he was the perfect point guard because he made everyone else look better. Without him to run the offense when Delaney is on the bench, the Hokies have struggled to get good scoring opportunities.

While it isn’t a big deal to let Green and Boggs work through their problems in the beginning of the season, their improvement needs to be significantly noticeable when conference play begins.

The Hokies believe that the two will eventually be able to control things while giving Delaney and Hudson a break, but from what they have shown, they are a long way off from that goal.

Both have struggled to score and help manufacture points from the half-court offense meaning that right now, the only points Tech can score with Delaney on the bench are the result of a fast break.

This isn’t a huge issue now, but it will be come January 10 when the Hokies go to Chapel Hill to begin their Atlantic Coast Conference schedule. Teams in the ACC won’t turn the ball over nearly as much and if Tech is having trouble in the half-court now, things will only get worst against the superior defenses in its conference.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Almost Forgot How Much I Hate Jeff Van Gundy

Before I start this rant on how Jeff Van Gundy should never be aloud to speak again, I will start by providing a list of analysts and commentators that anger me and I gawk every instance they get face time (in order): Skip Bayless, Jay Mariotti, Dick Vitale, Lou Holtz, Van Gundy, Susie Colbert, Avery Johnson, Jesse Palmer, and Charles Barkley. I'm sure there is more, but that's all i can think of at this moment. At one point or another, I'll cite reasons for my hatred of their existance, but Van Gundy gets to be target number one.

For starters, I came to realize the utter stupidity that Van Gundy vomits out on a regular basis in last year's playoffs. It was the most exciting playoffs in a while and he came dangerously close to ruining it for me. Just as I was close to forgetting this, I got to actually watch my sports IQ decline.

In the Cavs, Magic game last night, Jeff Van Gundy actually said that there shouldn't be a six foul limit per person in the NBA because star players get into foul trouble and then fans don't get to see them play. If the guy new anything about basketball, he would have known any one of these facts that shows he's a retard.

1) for the most part, the refs protect the star players. LeBron and Kobe foul out maybe once a season and when they do, it's a headline on ESPN.com

2) The six foul limit was put into place in 1954. In the 1953 playoffs, there was an average of 80 free throws a game and the games lasted longer than 3 hours! If he thinks that is fun for fans to watch, then I can no longer appeal to logic.

3) Lawrence Funderburke. How do I know the name of the Sacramento Kings third-string center from 2000-02 you ask? Because the Kings employed the hack-a-Shaq technique where they fouled Shaq every time he touched the ball. Funderburke became relevant right around the third quarter of every game because Chris Webber and Vlade Divac had already fouled out. If the six foul rule doesn't exist, Shaq gets fouled 30-40 times in the game easily with no consequence to the Kings because he can shoot free throws for shit.

If you aren't convinced the man is unqualified to be an analyst, I can't help you. If you say that one instance isn't enough to shame a person, please just watch him for five minutes and you will understand, trust me.

The only positive that came from last night was the always hilarious contest between Jeff and his brother Stan (coach of the Magic) to see who can seem less qualified to do his job. On one hand, Stan looks perpetually confused on the sideline as if he were watching curling. However, I am forced to listen to Jeff for the entire time, so he normally gets the nod. He goes on the amazingly long list of coaches who can't be even a mediocre analyst of their sport that they supposedly knew like the back of their hands

Note: If any of the commentators I listed are reading this, I am just kidding and would love to intern for you. Except for Skip Bayless. Just because you yell at me doesn't mean you're right, it makes you a douche. Stephen A. Smith did the same thing, but even he was occasionally right.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Let' Play a Little Game of "Who is Dumber"

Today I'm going to start a little segment called "who is dumber," where I will show exactly how people in sports are way dumber than you thought (hopefully you thought it was a lot to begin with). In our first segment, I will address the Stephen Jackson, Roy Williams, Lionel Hollins (the Memphis Grizzlies head coach), and the SEC officials.

Stephen Jackson- Congratulations, after years of being publicly retarded, you have decided to have your agent speak for you because no one cares about you anymore. You are a decent player who forgets that in order to play basketball, you need at least four people on the floor that can stand your obnoxiousness. Yea it's true that Don Nelson hasn't won a championship, but look at the teams he's managed. Milwaukee, Golden State (twice), and a team owned by Mark Cuban. That's like complaining that William & Mary hasn't won a BCS title in football even though the Tribe isn't even in the FBS. Let me help you understand why everyone hates you. You are such a douche that you decided you didn't want to be captain of the team earlier this year even though you are the best player that the Warriors have. You are about as valuable to a team as having sex with a decently attractive girl who has super AIDS; appealing at first, but untouchable if one values his or her life.

Roy Williams- After talking shit about how you "aren't like T.O" you proved it by not scoring a touchdown despite being the only receiver the Eagles didn't double cover. Even T.O. was still scoring touchdowns while bitching. You aren't like Miles Austin either, because he's good. Further, it's not how many catches or targets you have that shows who a team's best receiver is, it's who the defense double covers. Phili showed yesterday that they don't give a rat's ass about you and doubled Mitten and Austin.

Lionel Hollins- Dude, Allen Iverson literally spend all of last season bitching about how he is too old to come off the bench cold and would never do it again. Yet, you ignored this fact and decided it would be ok to use him off the bench? Why does this shock you that Iverson is all of a sudden complaining about his role? Your team is terrible and A.I. is there solely to get people come to watch the team. Start him and maybe your home games won't look like practices with no fans there.

SEC officials- If I had started this weeks ago, this group of misfits would be on this every week. Yet again they blew a call despite reviewing it and having clear evidence that you were wrong. Some would say it was because they favor Alabama and Florida, but I just think they are imbeciles. Bring in those scab NBA refs from the preseason and have them officiate SEC football. They may get confused and call traveling on the quarterback because he didn't dribble while running out of the pocket, but at least they will have an explanation why they are so bad.

Winner: Stephen Jackson- So many people have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, why don't you try it? Seriously, I heard its fun.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Most Inexcusable Act I Have Ever Seen in Sports

Before I say what I'm going to say, I will just begin by telling you that every person that listens to the Tony Kornheiser radio show is dumb, because on PTI yesterday, Kornheiser said that all of the guys on his show wanted to date Lambert, and that appalls me...

First, here's the ESPN link you nneed to watch:


If you watch the link, I hope you are are shocked as I am because this is by far the worst thing I have ever seen take place at a sporting event, way worst than the Ron Artest incident. Elizabeth Lambert is a straight up thug. It isn't just one incident, it is a series of six or seven and that shows a continuous stream of violence that has nothing to do with being caught up in the moment.

The hair pull is obviously the worst because the poor girl is probably suffering from whiplash as we speak, but every single thing she did was just horrible.

In her apology, she said, "I let my emotions get the best of me in a heated situation," which is total B.S. It wasn't one situation and you are a shame to collegiate athletes.

Michael Wilbon said it best when he said that she should have gotten her ass beat down by BYU players, and THEN be expelled from college sports.

i wouldn't want to date this woman, I would never want to speak to her. If I was friends with her I wouldn't ever want to see her again. Elizabeth Lambert is by far a bigger villain than anything we have ever seen in sports. I hope she never gets to touch a soccer ball again.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I'm Bored, So Let's Make Fun of Tom Cable

If I told you that the head coach of the Raiders was a violent and abusive human being, would you be surprised? No. I mean, I'd be pissed too if I had to coach a team where my owner was still convinced JaMarcus Russell is good. This is why I thought it was fitting that he decked the shit out of one of his assistant coaches. However, reports are coming out that he abuses his spouses and this is where I must make fun of every single person involved here.

First, let me make fun of the assistant coach who personally knows Tom Cables fist. Listen, he is a scary man and there is no reason to argue with him; I don't care if he says that they look good this year, you need to shut the hell up and smile. No one knows exactly how the altercation came to be, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess it was over a donut because it makes for a funnier story. Thank God JaMarcus didn't know there was a donut left because if he had, his fat ass would be beating people up for it too. Come to think of it, a fight between Tom Cable and JaMarcus Russell for a donut would be great TV.

Now comes the part wher I'm going to mock abused women, which even I think is in bad taste. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DATE THIS MAN? He looks like an angry version of John Goodman. You would think all of the stress involved with being a head coach would help this guy shed at least a little weight, but not this guy. Who knows, maybe Al Davis hired him because he thinks there is a correlation between winning and having a big fatass like John Madden.


Finally, we have arrived at the main target of my roast- Tommy Cable. The man who voluntarily works for Al Davis. He's so retarded that he was confident enough in JaMarcus Russell to cut Jeff Garcia in training camp. He seems to think the "I didn't do it" defense is going to be a success here even though people are more likely to believe that the new Twilight movie isn't going to be totally gay. The bottom line is that there are about 100 people within your organization that deserve to be just annihilated, so there isn't any reason to go home and beat one of the few people willing to stand you and the odor I assume you carry with you. If you feel like hitting someone, just call Darrius Heyward-Bey or Darren McFadden into your office so you can at least get some benefit out of the bagillion dollars you are giving them this year.

Please God don't let Cable read this...I don't want to be eaten

Monday, November 2, 2009

Week 1 Analysis

We are just one week into the season, so it's naturally time to analyze what I've seen so far as if we are about to enter the playoffs:

Through three games, we have seen a little bit of everything from the Wizards. We have seen them look dominant against a good team (Dallas) and a bad team (New Jersey), and lay an egg against a decent team (Atlanta). Overall though, I am very impressed.

The first thing that I want to focus on is the depth that everyone is talking about. I was a fan of all the depth we have, but very curious about how Flip Saunders would work his rotation to give everyone playing time. After three games, the rotation is starting to reveal itself and I really like how it looks, especially the part where DeShawn Stevenson is only playing 19 minutes a game.

Most of you know that I don't like Stevenson at all, and if you don't, you do now. I think that he is a backup shooting guard-who has a mediocre shot-that creates massive distractions in the locker room. Not only is Flip giving him less time, he is replacing him with Randy Foye, who can flat out shoot.

The one guy that gets totally screwed in the rotation is Nick Young who is only getting 12 minutes a game. A lot of people will say that this kid is a great scorer an should be in more, but I disagree. Yea, he occasionally has a big game, but he is wildly inconsistent, and with the exception of his scoring potential, he really doesn't contribute anything else because he's not a good defender or passes. Foye, Mike Miller, and even Stevenson should continue to get minutes over Young at the two-guard spot, and three deep at one position is probably enough.

I'm not quite ready to say "I told you so" about my boy Andray Blatche, but I'm pretty damn close. In the three games so far, he is averaging 21 points and six rebounds, and doing all of the things that make him a unique player. He is shooting great from midrange, running the fast break, and actually playing decent defense. I'm not implying that these numbers will continue in a few weeks when Antawn Jamison comes back, but there is no reason that he won't play like this until then. I'd like to see him get to the foul line a little more, but he is giving huge points where we all thought Wizards would struggle while Jamison is hurt.

While it's true that every team evaluation occurring at this point means nothing, the Wizards' means even less because everyone knows that the success of this team rides on Gilbert Arenas' health. People thought that the Wiz could be as high as competing for the elite, or struggling to make the playoffs; there wasn't any consensus on which. Now that we have seen a little bit of what this team could do, I'd say that this team could finish as high as the two or three seed if Gil is healthy, and as low as sixth is Gil misses a lot of the season. Either way, things look much better than any other team from D.C.