Monday, November 9, 2009

Let' Play a Little Game of "Who is Dumber"

Today I'm going to start a little segment called "who is dumber," where I will show exactly how people in sports are way dumber than you thought (hopefully you thought it was a lot to begin with). In our first segment, I will address the Stephen Jackson, Roy Williams, Lionel Hollins (the Memphis Grizzlies head coach), and the SEC officials.

Stephen Jackson- Congratulations, after years of being publicly retarded, you have decided to have your agent speak for you because no one cares about you anymore. You are a decent player who forgets that in order to play basketball, you need at least four people on the floor that can stand your obnoxiousness. Yea it's true that Don Nelson hasn't won a championship, but look at the teams he's managed. Milwaukee, Golden State (twice), and a team owned by Mark Cuban. That's like complaining that William & Mary hasn't won a BCS title in football even though the Tribe isn't even in the FBS. Let me help you understand why everyone hates you. You are such a douche that you decided you didn't want to be captain of the team earlier this year even though you are the best player that the Warriors have. You are about as valuable to a team as having sex with a decently attractive girl who has super AIDS; appealing at first, but untouchable if one values his or her life.

Roy Williams- After talking shit about how you "aren't like T.O" you proved it by not scoring a touchdown despite being the only receiver the Eagles didn't double cover. Even T.O. was still scoring touchdowns while bitching. You aren't like Miles Austin either, because he's good. Further, it's not how many catches or targets you have that shows who a team's best receiver is, it's who the defense double covers. Phili showed yesterday that they don't give a rat's ass about you and doubled Mitten and Austin.

Lionel Hollins- Dude, Allen Iverson literally spend all of last season bitching about how he is too old to come off the bench cold and would never do it again. Yet, you ignored this fact and decided it would be ok to use him off the bench? Why does this shock you that Iverson is all of a sudden complaining about his role? Your team is terrible and A.I. is there solely to get people come to watch the team. Start him and maybe your home games won't look like practices with no fans there.

SEC officials- If I had started this weeks ago, this group of misfits would be on this every week. Yet again they blew a call despite reviewing it and having clear evidence that you were wrong. Some would say it was because they favor Alabama and Florida, but I just think they are imbeciles. Bring in those scab NBA refs from the preseason and have them officiate SEC football. They may get confused and call traveling on the quarterback because he didn't dribble while running out of the pocket, but at least they will have an explanation why they are so bad.

Winner: Stephen Jackson- So many people have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, why don't you try it? Seriously, I heard its fun.

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