Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Almost Forgot How Much I Hate Jeff Van Gundy

Before I start this rant on how Jeff Van Gundy should never be aloud to speak again, I will start by providing a list of analysts and commentators that anger me and I gawk every instance they get face time (in order): Skip Bayless, Jay Mariotti, Dick Vitale, Lou Holtz, Van Gundy, Susie Colbert, Avery Johnson, Jesse Palmer, and Charles Barkley. I'm sure there is more, but that's all i can think of at this moment. At one point or another, I'll cite reasons for my hatred of their existance, but Van Gundy gets to be target number one.

For starters, I came to realize the utter stupidity that Van Gundy vomits out on a regular basis in last year's playoffs. It was the most exciting playoffs in a while and he came dangerously close to ruining it for me. Just as I was close to forgetting this, I got to actually watch my sports IQ decline.

In the Cavs, Magic game last night, Jeff Van Gundy actually said that there shouldn't be a six foul limit per person in the NBA because star players get into foul trouble and then fans don't get to see them play. If the guy new anything about basketball, he would have known any one of these facts that shows he's a retard.

1) for the most part, the refs protect the star players. LeBron and Kobe foul out maybe once a season and when they do, it's a headline on

2) The six foul limit was put into place in 1954. In the 1953 playoffs, there was an average of 80 free throws a game and the games lasted longer than 3 hours! If he thinks that is fun for fans to watch, then I can no longer appeal to logic.

3) Lawrence Funderburke. How do I know the name of the Sacramento Kings third-string center from 2000-02 you ask? Because the Kings employed the hack-a-Shaq technique where they fouled Shaq every time he touched the ball. Funderburke became relevant right around the third quarter of every game because Chris Webber and Vlade Divac had already fouled out. If the six foul rule doesn't exist, Shaq gets fouled 30-40 times in the game easily with no consequence to the Kings because he can shoot free throws for shit.

If you aren't convinced the man is unqualified to be an analyst, I can't help you. If you say that one instance isn't enough to shame a person, please just watch him for five minutes and you will understand, trust me.

The only positive that came from last night was the always hilarious contest between Jeff and his brother Stan (coach of the Magic) to see who can seem less qualified to do his job. On one hand, Stan looks perpetually confused on the sideline as if he were watching curling. However, I am forced to listen to Jeff for the entire time, so he normally gets the nod. He goes on the amazingly long list of coaches who can't be even a mediocre analyst of their sport that they supposedly knew like the back of their hands

Note: If any of the commentators I listed are reading this, I am just kidding and would love to intern for you. Except for Skip Bayless. Just because you yell at me doesn't mean you're right, it makes you a douche. Stephen A. Smith did the same thing, but even he was occasionally right.

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