Monday, February 8, 2010

Drivers Worry Patrick Racing Could Be Dangerous (satire)

Two days after Danica Patrick finished sixth in her first stock car race at Daytona, Patrick announced today that she would make her NASCAR debut in Saturday’s Nationwide Series race. This announcement has worried several drivers about their safety.

“I just don’t get why NASCAR is letting her on the track. I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but let’s face the facts, women are crappy drivers. After we lost Dale Earnhardt, they have done such a great job of making things safer out there; I don’t know, this just seems like a huge step backwards,” fellow NASCAR driver Kurt Busch said.

The worry is that Patrick’s inability to drive will endanger the other drivers. This fear is amplified on a track like Daytona where it isn’t “if” someone wrecks, it is “when.” Patrick has already shown she could be a hazard when she spun out during the ARCA race and was lucky to not be hit by anyone. She then was able to regroup and get back into the pack, but she had already shown how problematic she can be.

“I don’t understand why people are making a big deal about this. I lost control because I was doing my makeup and wasn’t paying attention. It could have happened to any of the guys out there. It’s tough being the ‘Go Daddy’ girl. I always have to look my best even when I finish in last place,” Patrick said.

Several drivers have already backed out of the race including Dale Earnhardt Jr. who ironically was the man responsible for bringing her to stock car racing.

“I had no idea how bad she is and I’m truly sorry to any driver she will almost certainly take out of the race. I hadn’t ever seen her race to be honest,” Earnhardt Jr. admitted. “I just figured that she was hot and that maybe it could distract people from realizing I’m a terrible driver. I mean, she is the single reason is so popular! Do you even know what that site freaking does? Yea, me neither. I feel like it sells tanktops”

this article is meant strictly for comedic purposes only and is in no way expressing the view of the author who wrote it. In addition, all quotes have been made up and also do not reflect the opinions of those named.

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